Monday, March 7, 2011

My goodies, my goodies, my goodies

You know you're getting really close as a couple when you can enjoy certain things together.  A nice dinner and the clean up after, watching a great Indie movie on TV, going to the park with the dog and having a picnic, and of course, the timeless classic of looking at your cervix.

Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, me and Ahubs (awesome husband) have come to a new level of closeness when I embarked his help to help me look at my goodies.

I ordered a plastic speculum online in an attempt to better visualize my cervix.  See when you're at different stages during your cycle, you cervix will move around as well as open or close it's cervix hole.  It's really hard to tell if that hole is open or closed with just your finger, and it takes time to figure out what is normal for you.  Well, this gal doesn't have that kind of time so I needed to know, like now.

Plus, I've never seen a real cervix before. Sure, we had our standardized patient exams were we got to practice our genitourinary exam skills, but we still never saw the cervix.  Our standardized patient started her cycle that very moment we were trying to see thangs, so everythang after that point was just a bloody mess.  No cervix visualized.  So I figured if I'm going to see a cervix, I might as well see my very own first.

Nothing says love like a speculum exam

I tried to do this on my own at first, I mean, I didn't want to creep out Ahubs.  But after 2 attempts and 2 failures, I had to bring him in.  Ahubs knows we are TTC (obviously), but he doesn't really like to know all the ins and outs of it.  The OPKs, the checking CM, the crazy assortment of vitamins and "special" things I am taking, the way I've blocked out the bedroom light for "lunaception", etc. I guess are all sort of under the "girl" mystery to him.

So here's me, lying on the bed with my plastic speculum, lube, flashlight and mirror.  There's Ahubs looking all freaked out.  In the end, I found it!  My cute little cervix hiding up there.  It was so cool to see!  I was grinning from ear to ear and so excited to see it.  I kept telling him to adjust the light or the mirror or both so I could get a better look.  How freaking awesome!  Most women go their entire lives never getting a chance to see their cervix.  This is the tiny little space that LIFE comes from.  It's the door to the warm chamber that houses our babies.  The place that our menstrual blood flows each and every month, it's the essence of our womanhood, our fertility.  All of this, running through my head.

Ahubs: "Why are you so happy, this is weird."

Me: "well all of your reproductive organs are on the outside, I've never seen my cervix before"

Ahubs: "are we done yet, this is weird"

So there you have it everyone, the visualization of my cervix.  It was low, closed and firm.

My Cervix, Lady C.

Want to see what a cervix looks like or get your own plastic speculum?
Look here for pictures
and here for your own plastic speculum

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I had to bring my own roll of toilet paper

And that can only mean one thing....

Pre-exam time DIARRHEA

Proud moment:  I've had to write/type diarrhea so much since starting medical school a year and a half ago, that I can spell it without hesitation. That's saying a lot for this gal, who got her public school edu-macation in backwoods Alabama.

And yes friends, the steal-all-your-money-until-you-bleed private school that I attend has the hardest, scrappiest toilet paper on the face of the planet.

And when you have a hot water faucet coming out of your butt, it HURTS to wipe with anything, much less this toilet paper they have at my school.

I lurve to wipe mah butt with wood chips

I prefer to wipe with something soft like this

Bunny wuld be soft on mah butt and just in time for Spring

Peaces and burning,

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I should be (fill in the blank)

Studying.  98% of the time for me, it's studying.  I should be studying, like right  now, instead I decide to write this.

Procrastination is an art that I have perfected, like, to a T.  I procrastinated grad-g-ating from college and spent an additional year and additional $10,000 to stay at school (WAR EAGLE).  Ooops, sorry that was my inner red-neck coming out.  I try to suppress her and all since I live in a posh city where we eat organic things, take public transportation, and talk about posh people things, but sometimes it's just too much.

But, I digress....

I wanted to go to med school, but blah, too much work.  Procrastinated taking the MCAT for 3 years.  Now I'm in med school and I have a test in 2 days, and ehhh who wants to read all this now?  Who wants to learn about psychiatry anyways?  Not this budding ER doctor.  If you come and see me with your psych issue, imma call upstairs and have you admitted.  Plus, I can barely even spell psychiatry  so I shouldn't be responsible for this information.

Some call my procrastination a problem (insert most amazing, anti-procrastinator, husband here), others, like me, call it being fashionably stressed out and just getting it done right at the exact moment when it cannot NOT be done anymore. You like that double negative thrown at you?  Don't let it blow your mind because it almost just blew mine.

I get my shit done, but only when it needs to get done  Like the last second that it needs to be done.  I mean, hello, I got into medical school, didn't I?  And not your med school out in po-dunk Kansas (not that there is anything wrong with that), or in the Caribbean (probably something wrong with that), but I got into a steal-all your-money-until-you-bleed private medical school (hello student loans).  I'm like, gonna be legit and stuff.  Definitely not like this doctor.

Ugh, poor guy.  RIP forevs MJ, forevs.